Oh for Godssake... read this (then puke)
NOW what do I do??
Well it's gone and bloody happened hasn't it... thanks to the Great Conspiracy, me not being a fake, 2-faced backstabber and a load of other vague bullshit that was laughably off the mark, I find myself out of a job. So kids, don't work hard, cause for some people you'll never be middle-class enough and they won't think you are even worthy of polishing their shoes.
So like many people at the moment, I'm sat here thinking 'wtf??' and wondering where I can find a job when they are sort of turning into hen's teeth. This would be my ideal opportunity to throw caution to the wind and write for a living, the only problem with that being that if I earnt peanuts from being the office monkey/scapegoat, then I'll be earning their shells doing the thing I want to do. Do I have qualifications? Does A2 English Language & a year of the same at uni count? Do I have experience? Hell yeah, I've been using a pen and paper for 22 years!
Incidentally, I was drawn back to Helium today and found the weird piece I wrote about various guinea pigs that have had the misfortune to have a slightly eccentric straggly-haired kid looking after them. Would you like to read it? Testimonies: My Guinea Pig. Look, it's got to number 1! Ace. Obviously the star of the piece is Trent, spotted here Hangin' With Jeordie...
Where the sod is the hash key on a MacBook??
Heres Hefner (he's having a drink, which I might do in a minute...)
Obviously, losing my job 8 weeks before my wedding day is not very helpful to say the least. But we've found some cheap and cheerful table centrepieces... just a candle in a bowl with some stones, but does anyone give a crap what is in the middle of the table? Can they even see straight at this point?
Well I have two things to be getting on with now - writing my CV (pls employ me, I am ace) and writing until my hand falls off.
